We All Make Mistakes

If you're still with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart! You don't know how much that means to me! I started reading a book earlier this week that my Mama let me borrow because she thought I'd relate to it and boy, does she know me well! It's called, Sister Roar and it's by Kay and Lisa Robertson. If you aren't familiar with them, they are the wives of Phil and Al Robertson of Duck Dynasty. The part that stuck out for me today was at the end of one of the chapters, there was a prayer and it went like this;

God, you've given me a story. Would you give me the courage to share it?

That's sort of the basis of the entire book but I can relate to that as well. I guess in a way, I feel like that's why I started this blog, to tell my story. I'm not trying to entertain anyone or make anyone feel bad or throw anyone under the bus. The book also talks about confessing your wrongs, whether it be to the person you wronged, to God or to whomever. If it's out there, you can move on and start to heal and feel better. That all being said, onto the next part of my story.

After our second son was born - we had been married for 4 years at this point - I was feeling a bit down, overwhelmed, anxious. My doctor said I had a little bit of postpartum depression so that's when I started on my anxiety/depression medication. I guess you could say that helped some, but I still felt something was off. I didn't feel seen after having two children. I started to feel like my husband and I didn't talk about anything other than the kids(did that happen so soon??) That's what I would always think to myself. He was constantly gone coaching one thing or the other in the evenings and on weekends which left me taking care of dinner, bath time and bedtime alone for two small children.

This was the routine for a couple years. Seemed we never went out on dates together, never went on vacations or out with friends because when he was home, he wanted to relax. These things led to my finding conversation with other men and I even lied once and told him I needed a break after a long day and met a male friend for a drink. He had every right to be angry and tell me to stay at my parents. We talked it through and worked things out, only to end up back in the same spot over and over and over again. Literally having the same fight time after time after time.

This brings us to about 2018, I got in touch with some incredible women who made me realize that I could do big things. Once I started going after those big things and having dreams and growing, my husband didn't want to come along for the ride. Typically, I feel, spouses support each others goals and help one another achieve said goals right? Imagine struggling to get there all on your own. Being so incredibly excited about hitting a milestone and telling someone about it, only to be met with a blank stare....(remember this part for later, it's important)

This was about the time I started noticing certain behaviors in him but didn't put my finger on exactly what those behaviors were until around 2020 when I started doing some research. Sometimes, I think back and wonder if it was me that triggered these behaviors in him. Sometimes, I think, that's impossible, regardless of the mistakes I know I made in our marriage, those behaviors shouldn't be something you willingly choose to use on people.

Is your story something you're open about? Mine isn't over yet, but I'd love to know if any of you are sharing your stories in hopes of helping someone else. Let me know in the comments or send me an email! Until next time....