Fake It Til You Make It?

There's a huge difference between the look of real happiness and the look of forced happiness.

I know - I've been there....

I wore the forced smile for nearly 8 years, spent so much of my time trying to shrink, blend in, disappear and be quiet. There's one time in particular that stands out to me amongst the dozens that I'd like to share with you.

When I was married, I threw a surprise dinner party for my husband's birthday. I was so excited to get everyone together, some people he hadn't seen in over a year. We were at the restaurant, having a good time, or so I thought when I noticed the look of utter disappointment on his face. I couldn't imagine why at first, but then I realized he really hadn't mingled or anything all night. I went and asked him what was wrong and that's when he told me. He told me that I was too loud. I was having too much fun. I shouldn't have anything else to drink (I had only had maybe 2 drinks). He was ready to go. I should've been used to things like this with him by now, but those things don't get easier to hear. I was upset. I never did get a thank you for that dinner from him, but I did get back to disappearing. 

Did you know that in Australia and New Zealand there's a name for what I was experiencing? It's called 'Tall Poppy Syndrome' and it's the idea that women take up too much space or draw too much attention. Therefore, the "tallest poppy" gets cut down. Unfortunately, this all makes sense. From very young ages, females are molded to follow certain rules or guidelines on how they should act. Who even put these guidelines into circulation anyway?? A man?? Seventy percent of my interactions with men have shown me that all they want is for us women to shrink. 

How many times have you opened your mouth to voice your opinion and then changed your mind for fear of embarrassment or fear of being told it's the wrong opinion? 

How many times have you spent hours overthinking something you said or did because you thought it may have been a little over the top?

And how many times have you gotten angry with yourself for losing it emotionally; for falling apart?

That's okay! The truth is, we're meant to feel this way. I know that I can have big emotions from time to time. That's what anxiety and depression can do and not everyone is equipped to handle that. I've had a lot of people run away from me because I'm too much and that's okay.

Ladies, let's normalize taking up space! Let's be loud! Voice any opinion we have! Be seen!

I recently read the book, 'Perfect is Boring(And it Tastes Like Kale) by Jess Johnston - highly recommended - and I wanted to end with a few things from her. 

What's one thing you think you should shrink about yourself? Whatever it is, you're not alone. Here's what you need to do. Recognize that one thing and call it like it is; one big load of crap!

Pay attention to those people in your life that make room for you to grow and those that don't. (My ex- husband did not like seeing me grow. It just made him more angry with me for being me.) Some people will try to keep you small. They might use offhanded comments or criticize you when you are loud. Do not be afraid to gently make space between yourself and the people who do not have room for you while you lean into those that do. 

"Stand tall. Be Noisy. Take up Space."

~Jess Johnston~