No One Ever Tells You

It's my Dad's birthday today. Gosh, how I miss him. As a way of celebrating him today, I wanted to share what I had written for my his memorial. As I read through it before publishing it, I cried all over again. I also smiled and laughed thinking of him. I hope those that read this can get a little sense of the man my Dad was and smile, laugh and cry along with me.

No one ever tells you how hard it will be.

No one ever tells you how heartbreaking and life changing it will be.

No one ever tells you that every little thing will be a memory.

No one ever tells you how big that gaping hole will be in your heart.

On Monday, May 25, 2026, Memorial Day, God called my Daddy home.

When my Mom asked me months ago when we first learned my Dad’s prognosis had worsened if I would write something to be read at his funeral, I immediately thought, “yes! I’d love to. People should know how much he is loved.”

However, now that it’s time to write, I’m struggling for words. I want him to be proud.

A little background on my Dad. He was born on July 9, 1951 in St. Louis, MO to Oreon and Helen Hilgert. He had one brother and two sisters. One of whom his parents had adopted. He and my Mom married on May 22, 1982 and just celebrated 44 years together. Dad did serve in the Army National Guard from 1970-1976. He retired in 2013 from NISC after 40 years with the company doing tech support.

Dad was a man of God and loved his country. He loved documenting things so he was always taking pictures and selfies in all situations. Including each time he had a chemo treatment or was in the hospital. His love of cameras even spread to the outdoors where he had about two dozen nature cameras in his woods to watch the wildlife. The whole family has adopted his favorite movie line from Tommy Boy - “How do we look? Chubby?” and one of us says it every time anyone takes a picture. That quote I think is a favorite memory for all of us. As well as all the quotes from Christmas Vacation and Seinfeld.

Every person who came in contact with Dad always said he’s such a great man. That being said, I wanted to share some of the memories and things my siblings and I and our Mom will miss and remember the most.

Dad was there. Always. His love for his family never faltered. Whether one of us needed a handyman or help with a tech issue or if we just needed a laugh and a hug. He showed each of us what it means to show up and be a parent and I know we all strive to live up to his example.

Summers as kids were the best! We were always traveling somewhere in the R.V. For some reason, Dad seemed to never have a shirt on. But boy, did we have fun!!

My sister, Amy told me some of the things she will remember most about Dad. All the times he would be out in the yard grilling(shirtless haha) and he’d have his favorite songs playing and singing along to them. The two of them shared this love of music. Amy and her family live in Texas so she loved when they came to visit and would chat around the breakfast table each morning and she loved watching her kiddos play ping pong and joke like crazy with Dad.

My brother, Steve reminded me of all the times Dad worked the late shift and we would all bring up Lions Choice for dinner. We’d eat with him and then hang out for a bit. He may have wanted to show us off! He also told me that he will always cherish the times that Dad played basketball with him while grilling, how he taught him to drive and just getting his advice on all things life. Steve and Dad definitely did a lot of computer building and troubleshooting together which is for sure something to remember.

My Mom told me some things that she will always remember and miss about Dad as well. It won’t be the same for her to wake up without him there. No one to give her random hugs or send random video clips of the nature to her. Dad was one of the few men we knew who loved to shop. It didn’t matter if he was getting himself anything or if there was even anything specific to get. He would always just say, “if you like it, buy it!” Or he would offer to buy it for you. The part that hit me the most of what mom told me was that Dad will not be able to enjoy the home they built together less than a year ago.

One thing I know we all have probably thought about are all the things Dad will miss in the future. Mostly for his Grandchildren. They will all graduate, grow up to be the most amazing humans and get married and have families of their own and Dad won’t physically be here to see it, though we know he will be watching.

Being the only single child, Dad was the first person I called when I had a handyman issue. Most of the time he could FaceTime me and walk me through it. If he couldn’t, he was there within a couple days to help me out. I caught myself the other day say to my oldest son, Jace, “did you send your fish pictures to your Grampa?” Once we both realized what I said, we cried.

I think Dads faith is something I, personally, will always remember. Through all of this, he never really doubted God. He may have questioned HIS motives only once. Dad’s strength, faith and determination not only made him a great man but helped him through what was likely the most difficult season in his life.

He was loved and cherished by many and I wish we all could’ve seen the look on his face when he got to Heavens Gates healed and in the arms of Jesus. Rest easy Daddy, we’ll see you next time.