5 Things You Need to Know When Dating a Trauma Survivor

You know how there's always those moments when you do something and you're like, man, I really wish I had done that differently. Or when you're old and you look back on your life as a teenager or in your early adult years and you think, I really wish someone would have told me some of these things beforehand. Well, that's partly why I'm here now. Unfortunately, too many people (mostly women) are victims of domestic abuse. I hope one day the majority can say they are survivors instead.

Being part of that world really changes the way you look at things, process things, and relate to people. It also makes it difficult for others to relate to you, especially those that are wanting to have a close, intimate relationship with you. So, what I wanted to do, with the help of my friend Chelsea - Trauma Recovery Coach and fellow survivor (https://bio.site/healingwithchelsea?fbclid=PAAaZAcN3etZTvo1XoRYgYjdMYaFe11eryb0sXBGCcHdLYNoS7Fq70_vw )is give you a few tips on what you need to know when dating an abuse survivor.

It's not her fault: Have patience with her and give her grace. She won't always be open and honest about her feelings or voice her opinion when she's spent so long being criticized for doing so. Her brain has been trained to react a certain way to certain situations. If she snaps at you and you're unsure why, you may have triggered something unknowingly. Don't take it personal! Talk to her about it, don't leave it like an overgrown tree in the yard.

She'll need reassurance: an ocean full! Don't be surprised if she apologizes incessantly for things that she doesn't even need to apologize for. Compliment her every chance you get, because even though you may have told her 4 times already today, she still doesn't believe she's as good as you're telling her she is.

Give her space: but know when to be there when she needs you. This will take some time to learn and that's okay. When she's upset or feeling triggered, she might go quiet. She might need you to leave her alone. She might need you to talk it out with her. Or she might need you to just sit there and hold her. We're all different in how we process these things. Just be there the way she needs you to be.

She has walls - everywhere: Yep, it's true. She's built wall after wall after wall over the years to block people out, to hide what she's actually feeling, to keep all of her past from happening all over again and ya know what? Walls are heavy y'all! With walls come boundaries, boundaries that should be respected and not pushed. It's going to take awhile to break down those walls, but it's a way for her to heal. Help her, if she's truly worth it.

Love her: period. Just love her and love her right. Make her feel safe, wanted and utterly adored.